Sunshine Kir

On a daily quest for the eternal sunshine!

Month: June, 2013

Let Yourself Be Seen

Let Yourself Be Seen…your true self. This was a line from a Ted talk by Brene Brown that I watched this morning. Her speech was about being vulnerable. With over 10 million views, it’s obvious that a lot of us must be thinking, wondering and actioning how to best “show up” authentically and to let down our defenses enough to be vulnerable to get our needs met.

I hadn’t heard of Brene before, (not sure how, Google her, she’s everywhere) but it was such a good talk. I’d gone on a walk with a girlfriend and she recommended I watch it. For the first few minutes, I half-listened while cleaning up my desktop and multi-tasking. About 4 minutes in, she had my complete attention with zingers like…

Vulnerability...

Vulnerability…

She talked about how we try so hard to “selectively numb” emotions -pain, discomfort, anxiety – whether through food, alcohol, medication, the consequence is that we also numb the positive emotions. For me, a peacemaker/confrontation avoider/negotiator from birth, this definitely resonated. In the past few years, I’ve worked hard to resist the urge to not use my voice in case that meant someone wouldn’t like me. My 20s were filled with enough of that. Instead of saying what I think someone wants to hear, I try really hard to be truthful, but to deliver that truth in constructive, thoughtful ways. Obviously, this doesn’t always work, but it is the intention I work with on a daily basis.

When you’re a grown up, you have to make big girl decisions and have big girl conversations. I know for me, this can be uncomfortable and/or scary. I don’t want to cause a fight, nag or have someone be annoyed or irritated by me. I worry about walking the line between being a bitch and a push-over – for me, the middle ground gets murky quickly. I get angry when I’m hurt or and resentful when I feel my needs aren’t being met. It’s not pretty, but it’s real. When I listened to this talk this morning, it resonated a lot because everyone has these fears. Fears of being shot down, not good enough, not doing the best, rejection – you name it – one of us if not most of us, is feeling it. So why can’t we all collectively hold hands and drop our guard already?

Could you imagine?

Could you imagine? It doesn’t seem that complicated…

Starting a conversation with a simple, “Can you help me with this? It’s important to me…” is a good place to begin. I’m not sure I have the answers on how to best speak from your vulnerability. I feel my face turn pink at the thought of it. (and mentally revert back to my 7-year old self as a new kid in school, gulp) But isn’t that better than, “You never listen to me! I asked you three weeks ago so clearly I’m not a priority in your life!”. And, no, thank goodness, I haven’t uttered the second statement out loud to anyone, but I’ve certainly thought it! Seeing it in writing, it’s just a touch obvious that no good will come of saying (yelling, whining) this productive, little soundbite. Oy.

After the talk, I went to Brene’s website and read a bit more. I also looked up some quotes on Good Reads. My conclusion: if you can drop your guard and muster up the courage to talk to your partner/family member/friend about the big stuff and you can both agree to a) give each other the space to stumble through the words b) let the other person finish the thought without interrupting and c) acknowledge that both people’s needs are important, serious progress can be made. You may not always agree, but feeling heard and knowing your person is at least doing his/her best to understand goes a very long way. Simple, not easy.

“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.” -B.B.

Love This!

Love This! Because imagine the alternative…

So there you have it. That’s my learning for the day. We’ll see how it goes and I’m sure I’ll be doing a little more stream of consciousness work on this topic down the road! Happy Friday. May it be peaceful, authentic and happy. Xxoo

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Pinspirations for Thursday

We’re heading toward the weekend…the last weekend in June, can you believe it? Here is a little collection of happiness & inspiration I collected through Pinterest this week. My Facebook time is still on hiatus, but I’m still happily perusing the visual delights that pop up on Pinterest. Enjoy!

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Love this!

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So lovely

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Amen!!!

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Happy Pants

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Let Go

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I want these “fins”

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Summer summer summer time…

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Time for a puppy?

Super Moon Sunday

Let me start this post off by saying a) not a scientist and b) not an astrologer. Clearly, with the technical inaccuracies of yesterday’s solstice post, this has been well established!!! 🙂 But today is a full moon in Capricorn and there has been a lot of chatter about the super moon. So I did want to share a cool description I came across this morning…

Last night if you went out to take a look, I think you’d agree it was pretty spectacular.  M and I grabbed a donut from VGs (that made two nights in a row), sat on the wall outside and took in the big, glorious moon. And it’s meant to be even more visible tonight. Here is a quick overview that I found that sums up tonight’s moon and how best to set your intentions.

“Tonight is a Full Moon in Capricorn. But it is no ordinary Full Moon it is what is called a Supermoon, this means the Moon is closer to Earth more than at any other time and the Moon will appear extraordinarily big in the sky. The perigee Moon as it is scientifically called is a great time to attract luck and energy to yourself and to deal with health issues. 

This Moon is all about balance, as it is exactly the middle of the year. it is a time to ask yourself what you have achieved throughout the year so far and if you are happy with it. Take stock of all you have and all you wish for and work out a path or a way to achieve your goals in the coming months. 

Capricorn, ruled by the planet Saturn, is an Earth sign. It is focused on security and structure. During this lunar transit, you may discover issues related to these themes. Check that people are being honest and genuine with you and check that you feel secure in your life. To be happy we must first feel safe within ourselves, our homes and with the people we know. It is the perfect time to patch up relationships, get married or find a new love.”

Full Moon in Capricorn (source unknown)

Full Moon in Capricorn (source unknown)

This Full Moon is a great time to list down what it is you want from life and to work out what you need to do to achieve it. Give out your message to the universe and let it know what you want. Let your dreams, hopes and wishes manifest! So why not head outside tonight (with a glass of wine if you like) sit under the moon and write down some intentions. I’m a big one for writing things out. It helps me get clear. Drawing a blank on what to write about? Start with base needs like security, family and vibrant health.

Happy happy Sunday! xo